venting...

Writers Block...

A big bad writers block is what I was experiencing for... Just about 3 whole months. 

Life gets so hectic when a new semester starts. Everything gets so messy. There's stress, a whole bunch of it. Stress about the new grade your getting in. About the new people you'll meet. About the new teachers you'll have. About... Every little thing. I remember sometime in May that I started feeling really bad about myself, and that feeling kept clinging on to me till the end of June. I am much better now, but when I look back at those times, all I can recall is how dark everything felt. 

I'm writing from an auditorium full of very noisy children by the way, hence the poor writing. 

Anyways, I went to a doctor's appointment last Monday. As I sat there in complete silence in the waiting room for a little over 30 minutes, I started thinking about... A great deal of things. 

Most prominently, I thought about how time changes things. It feels like just yesterday when I started attending my current school (for context, I am currently a 10th grader, and I started school when I was in 7th grade).

And next year, when all of my friends and I get promoted to 11th grade, most of them will leave, to attend other schools that will help them in pursuing the career of their choice. 

And don't get me wrong, I really want them to do what they love, and be successful. But it still hurts knowing that the people I've shared my deepest secrets with, my fondest memories with, might leave for good. And that thought scares me, for in the process of making memories, I made my friends part of my entire personality. I am myself when with them, someone else on my own. I was in the middle of this thought when it was my turn to go to the doctor's office, where she proceeded to tell me just how fcked up my skin was, as if I didn't already know.

And, honestly, a lot has happened in these 3 months that I haven't talked about. A lot of good things happened of course, but many more bad things happened as well.

But I have taught myself to not be affected by it. I just want to go with the flow, and enjoy every little tide and wave that life's ocean presents to me. 

Wow, that was deep coming from someone like me 😂.

Random thought but I just want a good, big mug of coffee right now. I just had one barely an hour ago. Coffee addicts will relate. Also, the AC in this auditorium is on the lowest setting I believe. No wonder I am freezing. And yes I am still in the middle of this talk, although its less of a talk and more of children's play area by this point.

Anyways, I guess I'm gonna stop ranting now (if you get it you get it).

So... bye I guess.

And remember to always go with flow...